BY Mateo Perez Lara
Superstitions
salt thrown over shoulder, knocked on wood until my knuckles bled
pray rosary every night after someone dies
until your fingers are indented with the beads
toss holy water in each corner of the room
ward off every bad open, but new night same nightmare:
Grandma is running. Grandma is running to the secret room, tells me to hide there
tells me to steer clear of the guns, the knives, family who wants me dead
tells me they won’t find me there. they will not hunt me there
hand me the salt, let me make the circle.
Queer Curses
Totem: Sapping Essence
Like fever, I terrify in seclusion
I desire blank slates
crisp on my tongue, failure.
I want to pose for men
I want to envelop myself
in complete adoration
until my back hurts
until I’m no longer needed
each time, contorted, please
squeeze me so hard
come to me through
fire and warring until
I leak acidic and lemony
I leak so sweetly then sour.
A Word of Caution
My stories loose ends still twist in the storm
I yell ‘help me’ as if the trance will end
as if a spectral entity will bring balm
will cut the cord, well, my juices spray
I will them to mix // become sadness with vinegar
we will call this eternal vengeance from
our skin that remembers
because we talk about revenge so much
we love playing with harm, but my doubt
beckons me to succumb to mistreatment
to barbed wire kiss, to chainsaw touch
down the thigh, down my ass
or while I’m lying on my back
I survive each meeting with men
and playing with men, who want anger
so much vehemence as sex
men who chase around fragility with
sharp hungering instruments
well, if they meet
me in this new haunted
home I’ve built
they’re in for a
treat.
Rotation, the rot
I’ve grown accustomed
wading in deep blood
after each monster has
fed, I let them, tear
teeth cracked, yellow
my fault was too trusting
their lines, conceit is their flaw
I’ve been in rotation, the rot
is overwhelming, I close my eyes
imagine, kinder men, kinder
beasts, who cared for
a garden, the water, the sky
more bodies, not stripping
and suckling, then
again // again, repeat until
nothing is left
I might petrify eventually
my bones reminder of a fight
lost, but stubborn, where
is the enemy when you look
in the mirror, do you see yourself?
Mateo Perez Lara is a queer, non-binary, Latine poet from California. They received their M.F.A. in Poetry from Randolph College’s Creative Writing Program. They are an editor for Block Chronicles. They have a chapbook, Glitter Gods, published with Thirty West Publishing House. Their poems have been published in EOAGH, The Maine Review, PANK, and elsewhere.